The other day someone said, “In order to keep a drowning relationship afloat, one has to pay through surrender.”
Well, the surrender is not the price tag. Surrendering is beautiful as long as it is
natural. If it is natural, you will not even notice it. The fact that we notice our surrenders indicates that we are being made to give up something under some stress or threat or an emotional influence. We may then glorify the phenomena and put ourselves on a pedestal because surrender usually means a sacrifice and who would not like to be praised for a sacrifice. It is considered to be such a great virtue and one of the greatest means of boosting the ego. We feel special. Don’t we? We say that we do not look for anyone to reciprocate to our sacrifice. Rather, a mere acknowledgement would be enough. Aren’t we trying to get it through the back door? We are clever. Isn’t acknowledgment a way to be reciprocated? It is the same thing. We wish to be acknowledged and commended for the surrender. The ego feels good and nourished then. In fact, many of us begin to love misery. It makes us special, noticeable. It can draw others’ attention. Without attention, can we survive? If our surrender is considered a usual way of living and no one says, “Bravo”, can we be at ease with ourselves or will we begin to feel restless and victimized?
No one can pay through surrender. It is not a price to be paid for something. There is nothing business-like about a real surrender. Yes, pseudo-surrenders can be priced because we demand compensation. A nod of approval too is compensation. Adulation and songs of glory need not qualify true surrender. It comes with no strings attached. It just happens. A forced surrender is pseudo-surrender. Then, deep inside, a discontent keeps simmering and eats away at the roots of all that is valuable.
We must remember that we cannot surrender. Man is born with all the primal instincts of an animal. By birth, every child is selfish. Haven’t you seen children not wanting to share their candy and toys? They have to be taught to share, and with time, some may learn to cover up their grabbing habits. The more civilized we get, the more ‘tolerating’ we become. We can make-believe that we are very giving and charitable but observe carefully and you will realize that we give to get back. Don’t we? Does this mean that we should remain uncivilized? No, the social structure is needed to educate us that remaining close-fisted will keep us in the animal kingdom and to evolve we must understand our instincts. If the instincts are bestowed upon us, so is the power of understanding and the capacity to know and realize. No animal has that. The value-system that the society needs to reinforce should be that of self-observation and natural growth. If one is conscious, it becomes difficult to hurt any one. Try it. But if we remain unconscious and mechanical, we will be susceptible to spates of anger and greed and lust. The animal in us is always there. Is he meant to be killed? Is he meant to be tamed? Or is he meant to be transformed.
Have you looked at an animal? Try viewing a National Geographic program on wild life carefully next time. See, the amount of energy exuded by the beast. We have the same beast in us. We must have. Without it, life would be cold. The difference is that the animal does not know about his energy and we can choose to know it, understand it and understanding is transformation. Passion can become compassion and lust can become love. And in compassion and in love, one surrenders spontaneously. Surrender is a natural outcome of love and compassion. It cannot be practiced. It is not a means to an end. It is the end itself. If you notice that you have surrendered something, then you must know that your surrender is not true. If you notice your surrender, then there is still that mental distinction between your happiness and my happiness. Distinctions always create misery. Synthesis, unity is the road to authentic joy.
When you have a divided mind, then your surrender will be fake and will carry a price tag, for sure. Then, you will be a victim to the arithmetic of give and take. Then, the moment you feel that the other does not acknowledge your surrender, the relationship will crack. And the price for keeping such a relationship afloat is not surrender. In fact, it is the lack of surrender and love that creates the rift. The price… is a life of lies. You feel something else and you pretend to be someone else. A split life is the price.
That’s it.
Well, the surrender is not the price tag. Surrendering is beautiful as long as it is
natural. If it is natural, you will not even notice it. The fact that we notice our surrenders indicates that we are being made to give up something under some stress or threat or an emotional influence. We may then glorify the phenomena and put ourselves on a pedestal because surrender usually means a sacrifice and who would not like to be praised for a sacrifice. It is considered to be such a great virtue and one of the greatest means of boosting the ego. We feel special. Don’t we? We say that we do not look for anyone to reciprocate to our sacrifice. Rather, a mere acknowledgement would be enough. Aren’t we trying to get it through the back door? We are clever. Isn’t acknowledgment a way to be reciprocated? It is the same thing. We wish to be acknowledged and commended for the surrender. The ego feels good and nourished then. In fact, many of us begin to love misery. It makes us special, noticeable. It can draw others’ attention. Without attention, can we survive? If our surrender is considered a usual way of living and no one says, “Bravo”, can we be at ease with ourselves or will we begin to feel restless and victimized?No one can pay through surrender. It is not a price to be paid for something. There is nothing business-like about a real surrender. Yes, pseudo-surrenders can be priced because we demand compensation. A nod of approval too is compensation. Adulation and songs of glory need not qualify true surrender. It comes with no strings attached. It just happens. A forced surrender is pseudo-surrender. Then, deep inside, a discontent keeps simmering and eats away at the roots of all that is valuable.
We must remember that we cannot surrender. Man is born with all the primal instincts of an animal. By birth, every child is selfish. Haven’t you seen children not wanting to share their candy and toys? They have to be taught to share, and with time, some may learn to cover up their grabbing habits. The more civilized we get, the more ‘tolerating’ we become. We can make-believe that we are very giving and charitable but observe carefully and you will realize that we give to get back. Don’t we? Does this mean that we should remain uncivilized? No, the social structure is needed to educate us that remaining close-fisted will keep us in the animal kingdom and to evolve we must understand our instincts. If the instincts are bestowed upon us, so is the power of understanding and the capacity to know and realize. No animal has that. The value-system that the society needs to reinforce should be that of self-observation and natural growth. If one is conscious, it becomes difficult to hurt any one. Try it. But if we remain unconscious and mechanical, we will be susceptible to spates of anger and greed and lust. The animal in us is always there. Is he meant to be killed? Is he meant to be tamed? Or is he meant to be transformed.
Have you looked at an animal? Try viewing a National Geographic program on wild life carefully next time. See, the amount of energy exuded by the beast. We have the same beast in us. We must have. Without it, life would be cold. The difference is that the animal does not know about his energy and we can choose to know it, understand it and understanding is transformation. Passion can become compassion and lust can become love. And in compassion and in love, one surrenders spontaneously. Surrender is a natural outcome of love and compassion. It cannot be practiced. It is not a means to an end. It is the end itself. If you notice that you have surrendered something, then you must know that your surrender is not true. If you notice your surrender, then there is still that mental distinction between your happiness and my happiness. Distinctions always create misery. Synthesis, unity is the road to authentic joy.
When you have a divided mind, then your surrender will be fake and will carry a price tag, for sure. Then, you will be a victim to the arithmetic of give and take. Then, the moment you feel that the other does not acknowledge your surrender, the relationship will crack. And the price for keeping such a relationship afloat is not surrender. In fact, it is the lack of surrender and love that creates the rift. The price… is a life of lies. You feel something else and you pretend to be someone else. A split life is the price.
That’s it.
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